PEG I know. Bye, Helen. REPAIRMAN You know, you didn't have to call me, ma'am. You could have taken care of this by yourself. JOYCE I could? I don't think so. REPAIRMAN Yeah, you see, it's easy. The food trap's clogged. That's all. You see this bolt here? You just unscrew this. OK? And out she pops. JOYCE You know, on TV they say you repairmen are lonely bunch of people. Housewives get lonely too. Although you may not realize it since they haven't made a commercial on the subject. REPAIRMAN And then you just take this and put it back in here nice and easy. Be careful not to force it, because it fits in there by itself. And then you just screw this back on. (The bell rings.) JOYCE On no! Who could that be? Will you excuse me for a moment? Now. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back. This is fascinating. I wouldn't want to miss a moment of it. PEG Good morning, Joyce. Avon calling. JOYCE Why! Peg. Have you gone blind? Can't you see there's a vehicle in my driveway? PEG Oh, yes. JOYCE Well, I'm surprised you don't realize that means I'm busy. (Joyce shuts the door with a bang.) PEG Okay. Now, we should decide on lipsticks. Okay, dear, what one did you like best? There was the Winsome Wahini which looked charming on you. Or the Bahenie Bliss. A GIRL I like them both. PEG Well, great. A GIRL You don't actually think I have any money, do you? (Peg gets in her car.) CHILDREN Ding, dong, the Avon lady. PEG It's just not my day. (Disappointed Peg sees a mansion through her rearview mirror and drives to the place. She is attracted by the beautiful garden there and enters the mansion.)

HELEN Hello. MARGIE Hi, it's Margie. Listen, I was standing outside talking to Carol and Peg drove by, she had somebody in the car. HELEN Did you get a good look? MARGIE No, did she say anything to you, about having guest? HELEN She didn't say anything. She rang my doorbell early this morning. MARGIE No, ok, I'll meet you on the corner. Right, Bye. (Birds signal) HELEN Oh, damn! PEG Here we go, dear. This is our house. And you can just go right in and make yourself right at home. OK? And just, well have something to eat or drink, whatever you... Here, dear. Here you... This is the front door here, Here we go, right in here. (A woman talks on the phone) A WOMAN Joyce, I just saw this strange guy drop in with Peg. I didn't get a very good look at him. He looked kind of pale. Okay, I'll be right there. Don't do anything without me. Okay? Bye. JOYCE Yes, I'll be right there. PEG Here we are. So, oh, this is the living room and back here, the bedrooms. You want to see the pictures? All right. Well, this is my husband, Bill. He's a bowling champion. Do you know what bowling is? Bowling? Well, here they are down at the lake, fishing. I think Kevin looks a little glum Because they didn't catch anything that day. And here's my daughter, Kim. All dressed up the junior prom. She's a senior now. I can't believe it. She's camping in the mountains with some friends, but she'll be back in a few days and you can meet her then. Isn't she beautiful? That's my family. Now, go on, dear. I'll show you the rest of the house. Then you can just freshen up and make yourself at home. Okay? That's the kitchen over there. You help yourself to anything you want to eat or drink. Those are grapes. Back here are the bedrooms. Let me get you some towels, then I will see what we can find to wear. You know what? I think I have some of Bill's old clothes in here. This is perfect. Here. These should just fit you. (The phone rings.) Oh, no, no. Don't be alarmed. That's just a phone. Now you can go in Kim's room and put these on. I'll be right with you. PEG No, no, scissors. That's right. Well, he was born up there or something. Have you seen him before? No, I don't think he's been off the grounds before today. You're kidding. How did you get together with him? I have to go. I'll talk to you later Margie, Bye-bye. (to Edward) I'm sorry Edward, I didn't... oh, dear. May I help you with this? EDWARD Thank you. PEG There you go. Oh, dear, you've cut your face. Let me get this right off. Does that hurt? Okay. No, good. Now let's get you dressed. Okay. There we go. Very fine. You look fine, just fine. Come on, we can't wait for you. You've got rollers in your damn hair. PEG Okay. Now what did I do with my sci... Edward, um, would you. Thank you. I have a doctor friend who I think could help you. EDWARD Really?

PEG Yes, I can help with the scars. I just want to consult the Avon handbook before doing anything. PEG Kevin, it's not polite to stare. Think how it would make you feel if somebody were staring at you. KEVIN I wouldn't care. PEG Well, I would, so don't do it! BILL This must be quite a change for you, Ed. PEG I think he prefers Edward. BILL Sure. So what have you been doing up there in that big old place? I bet the view must be spectacular, Ed. PEG I was just... BILL See all the way to the ocean? EDWARD Sometimes. PEG Bill, could I have the salt and pepper? Thank you. KEVIN Man, those things are cool. You know I bet they're razor sharp. One karate chop to a guy's neck... PEG Would you like some butter for your bread? PEG Great. EDWARD Thank you. KEVIN Can I bring him to show and tell on Monday? PEG I've had enough. PEG (to Edward) You think you can sleep? Things feel strange now, but soon you'll feel right at home. Good night. (Peg tries to cover Edward's scars.) PEG The light concealing cream goes on first, then you blend and blend and blend. Blending is the secret. More concealing for you? But you complexion is so fair. Now this has a touch of lavender in it. Give it a try here. Close enough. OK. This should do the trick here. I have another idea. We'll cover up the scars and start with a completely smooth surface. Don't eat this stuff! Sports announcements on RADIO Hartely into the windup and the strike one pitch. Swung on and missed strike two. If it's a hit, the club has 12 hits. But they still have 11 on the scoreboard and it's 3-1. 0 and 2 the count to Warren. Now they change it to 12 hits. BILL Turn it up, Kevin. I can't hear it. Kevin! No, make it louder. Sports announcements on RADIO Hartely's strike two pitch is hammered. KEVIN You hear that, Mr. Boggs? BILL No, make it louder. Sports announcements on RADIO It's going way back. It's gone. It's out of here. It is history. KEVIN Dad, look! Sports announcements on RADIO A grand slam for Martinez to make it a five-run inning and blow this game to pieces. BILL I'll be darned. PEG They filled the whole tape. (Peg listens to the recorded phones.) RECORDED VOICES What's going on over there, Peg. Call me....Hi, it's Margie. Who is he? Call me. Oh, by the way, here it's pouring rain in the mountains. You think the kids are okay?...Hi, there, darling. The gals are all in a tizzy about your secret visitor. You can't keep him a secret forever.

BILL Boy, it's just wonderful, Ed. My god, you, you have the whole family in there, don't you? KEVIN Edward, come here. (Kevin cleans Edward's scissorhands with water.) BILL No, no, no. That's a terrible idea, son. Go to the garage and get the oil can. We don't want him rusting up on this now, do we? PEG Edward, you did us? Oh, Bill. It's us. BILL Yes, it is. PEG Oh, Edward. (Esmeralda comes near.) ESMERALDA It's not heaven he's from. It's straight from the stinking flames of hell. The power of satan is in him. I can feel it. God, you have the poor sheep strayed so far from the path. EDWARD We are not sheep. ESMERALDA Don't come near me. BILL That's right. Go on. Get out of here. Run! PEG Edward, don't you listen to her. BILL Don't worry about her, Edward. She's just an old lonely loony. That's all. (Women knock on the door.) WOMEN Hi! JOYCE You are all hiding in there like a bunch of old hermit crabs. PEG Hi, Joyce. Hi! JOYCE Shame on you, keeping your unusual guest all to yourself. We think that's mighty selfish of you. PEG No, it, it's... things have just been a little hectic around here. That's all. JOYCE Oh, that was so sweet of you to want to correct the situation. What time does the barbecue begin? PEG Barbecue? JOYCE Well, you intend to show your guest hospitality by introducing him to your friends, don't you? ANOTHER WOMAN I'll bring coleslaw. JOYCE And I will bring the ambrosia salad. What time was it that you said? PEG What time? Ah... bill. JOYCE About five? ESMERALDA He has been sent first to tempt you. But it's not too late. You must push him from you. Expel him. Trample down the perversion of nature. JOYCE Did you hear that? He's the perversion of nature. Wow, isn't that exciting? See you later. Bye bye. PEG I've always said that you really can't have a picnic or a barbecue without deviled eggs. They're just the best. They make the thing. Oh, dear. Edward. That's wonderful. I didn't know you chopped all those things. What a really big... (Peg notices a cut on his face.) Oh, all right now. It's just a nick. There's no need to be nervous, dear. You know, Esmeralda won't be here and the rest of neighbors there are really very nice. There's no need to be nervous. They are so eager to meet you. You just have to be yourself. EDWARD Myself?